"What a bore--  Aunt Irma and Uncle Clive are bringing their new baby over to show us.  Now, if I can just be good and keep my big mouth shut.  That's right, SHUT.  I will NOT say something stupid.  I will NOT make some smarty-pants remark.  I will NOT say ANYTHING.  I will NOT--"

        "Hey, guess what?  Father says he'd rather hold a greasy differential."

                                                    "Too hard."

 

"My parents say they used to get music off this thing, but I can't find any CD slot."

                                         "I wonder what this thing is..."

                                      "Some kind of frisbee maybe?" 

 

"I superglued myself to the ceiling so the cute little girl from next door would notice me...and it worked!!!"

                                  "Oh no--  She's going to get Mother."

                      "So they had to buy me new shoes...  Big deal."

 

"What's for dinner, Mother?  Mother? Mother? Did you hear me? Mother?  Hey, wanna hear a great joke?  Do you? Mother? Mother?  Is dinner gonna be ready soon?  I can show you a magic trick! Wanna see my magic trick?  Please? Mother, wanna see--  Mother, are you okay?  Do you have a headache?  Can I get you something? Mother? Mother? Mother?"

                                "What's delayed postpartum depression?"

 

                                   "Mother, there's an Avon lady at the door."

 "Heh, that got rid of her fast!  And now for a nice big helping of cookie dough!"

                                                 "It was worth it."

 

                                          "Television is such garbage..."

                                    "Father says it's garbage too."

                                  "Mother says it's garbage too."

                                     "Parents--they're such hypocrites!"

 

                                "A centerfold? No, I don't think so--why?"

 

                                             "I've got a paper route!"

                         "I'm sorry, Mrs. Rasmussen!  I'll aim lower next time!"

 

"Mother says she's glad I'm turning eight because she broke a mirror on the day I was born..."

"So, what's that supposed to mean? This is some sort of grown-up joke, right?  I don't get it.  Does anybody out there get it???"

 

"I'm supposed to be in bed but I'm waiting up for the sandman. I've just gotta meet this guy..."

 "Really, what a dumb job! Sneaking around after dark, throwing sand in people's eyes!  I wonder if he gets paid to do that. I wonder if his kids know what he does for a living--"

                        "I wonder if maybe I should keep my mouth shut..."

 

"The new neighbors are here for tea with Mother and Father. Maybe I should warn everyone--"

                                         "--that I broke my ant farm."

 

"Mother is doing inventory.  She's trying to decide which things to give to the church jumble sale."

"But it's too hard.  Mother says she's going crazy.  There's too much stuff and she says she can't decide and so maybe she'll just put everything away again and forget all about it."

                                        "Sounds like a good idea to me."

 

                                  "I'm taking the babies out for a stroll again."

                                   "Here's where we'll cross the street--"

                           "I don't get it...  We made it across just fine!"

 

            "Geez, I sure was an ugly baby. I'll bet I broke a lot of cameras!"

                                                     "I knew it!"


 

"I'm sorry, Mother!!! Father's bowling ball fell out of the closet and went right through the floor!!!  Mother? Mother?"

                     "So she had to get her head repainted...  Big deal."

 

"Mother is off to visit Aunt Susan, so Father is looking after us kids for a few days."

"The dirty dishes are piling up, but Father says he's figured out a great way to wash them all at once..."

                                      "Gosh, I wish I'd thought of this!"

 

                                               "I cleaned my room..."

                               "I got all the riding toys off the street..."

                         "I washed up for dinner without being asked..."

             "So how come I never get any points for all the good stuff???"